Last few days have been quite uneventful. I have been going through the same routine of 8-5 job. Nothing much of importance have took place.
New year eve came and went by I was alone. Desperatly trying to imagine what it would have been like if I was in Shanghai with her. I called her and wished her. On 3rd was her birthday I wished her on that day too. Sometimes I think, why does my heart follows her all day and night. Only possible answer is perhaps I am too much into her. I want to be with her and it seems that only possible way is to get married then I am ready. If this is what it takes.
I am not very calm and composed, I am mad as hell on an asshole who I always considered to be a good friend and treated him like a younger brother, but seems like he is trying to play tricks and he has actually played his cards well. I have lost the first round. Desperatly waiting for next round to begun where I would play everything as a game, and nothing else.
Perhaps everything in this human life is a game only. You win some, lose some. But sometimes winning is the only option, does this justify by hook or by the crook. I dont know.
Lately I have been too frustrated with the current affairs in my life. I am sitting and sulking nothing of importance is going on in my life. I am completely messed up in my head. I am looking for options which dont seem to come by. And when they come by, I end up asking my self, is this the one I am waiting for. Should I try out newer things in life or be content with what I have in my hands. Dreams and dreams unlimited. Is there someway to realize them.
I say to myself sometimes dont be afraid chalk out a new plan, an entirely new picture on a brand new canvas. I ask myself to be courageous, do what no man in my family or my society has ever dared to do. But there is a fear, fear of failure, hidden somewhere deep inside me. I am superficial, or I am a hypocrite? Question remains unanswered.
There was an article in TOI few weeks back where it said that the human life is very small when compared to the life of universe. Its not even a sudden spark. If this is so small then why do we have to worry about it so much. Why do I have to mourn abt it every other day. Why do 28 yrs of my life seem so small but the future which I have not seen seems so big? Questions and many more of them. In life and in death, i dont know will they ever leave me alone.
Last week I saw a man getting crushed under the wheels of a lorry. It struck me at that moment. What the Fuck.. Human being is so fragile. The body that we take care of so much, life that we preserve is so vulnerable. It just goes away in a snap, a blink. I got drunk that night, not able to take out that picture of a men getting under a lorry and getting crushed and blood spilled all over. This happened at 7:20 am in Bangalore. while i was going to my work. I vowed I would never buy a bike again. This has took me 2 days to settle. Last time it was 4 yrs back. My friend, my classmate, Rishi got into an accident and never got up again. People come and go and perhaps in near future I may be a part of something like this. ITS A JUNGLE OUT THERE.
Leave apart being human and being an Indian people discriminate on such small things as region, language. I dont know why they just cant understand that if they are free. So are the people from other region. I believe its jus bad politics and bad gimmicks being played to be in power. I remember one saying "Power Corrupts and Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely". How true, I never thought myself as being any one else but human, if further classification has to be then max i would go down to saying that I am an Indian, and thats who I am. Why do ppl have to create so many bounderies amongst themselves, I believe democracy has corrupted the people of this nation. It has corrupted their minds and souls, they have become sheep or herd, those who can be herded in any direction, right or wrong they just need a direction. Sometimes I wish I did not had a conscience, I could do whatever I want, but unfortunately its not easy for me. I refuse to play down to the tunes of an archtypical society. A society which has stopped thinking logically. Where people look upon you as a being a traitor if you are out to do something which is not approved by a common consensus. I will hold my head high. I will listen to myself and no one else. God just be with me!!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Happy New Year
Long time.. I have been here... and did some blah blah...
To all the people who will read this a very Happy New Year 2008.
I dont know whats so special abt new year eve's, why do ppl have to revel and merry? On Monday evening I was working. Sky was pretty clean. Sun was good. But so was the Tuesday morning.. I was working, sun was good and sky was clean.
My New Year came when i was sleeping, I woke up at 6:30 as usual, got ready and came to office.. Nothing new about this. Evening before was even bad. I had no keys to aparment.. so i kept standing wasting my time for 3 hrs. Only point of solace was talking to Sally and wishing her New year in her time zone.. though she was also sleeping but she picked up my call.
Rest all will not go down in history... as I ate some food and slept later that night after wishing my parents and sister.
Some times I wish I was with Sally that day. or even today, but thats not possible. I love her and I miss her.. sometimes i wish i wud be a superman so that i can fly.. high and fast
and be with her..
Anyway Happy Birthday Honey...
To all the people who will read this a very Happy New Year 2008.
I dont know whats so special abt new year eve's, why do ppl have to revel and merry? On Monday evening I was working. Sky was pretty clean. Sun was good. But so was the Tuesday morning.. I was working, sun was good and sky was clean.
My New Year came when i was sleeping, I woke up at 6:30 as usual, got ready and came to office.. Nothing new about this. Evening before was even bad. I had no keys to aparment.. so i kept standing wasting my time for 3 hrs. Only point of solace was talking to Sally and wishing her New year in her time zone.. though she was also sleeping but she picked up my call.
Rest all will not go down in history... as I ate some food and slept later that night after wishing my parents and sister.
Some times I wish I was with Sally that day. or even today, but thats not possible. I love her and I miss her.. sometimes i wish i wud be a superman so that i can fly.. high and fast
and be with her..
Anyway Happy Birthday Honey...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Last week
I have been looking at the world around me. The world that others created for me, the world that I created for myself. There is not much difference in both. But the differences that do exist are big.
There has been an invasion in my personal life. An invasion which was self invited. Something which I cant resist. Over a past few weeks I have been in conversation with a girl. Her name is Tanya. I met her in a Chatroom in Shanghai. And I spoke to her once. But since I have come back from my home, this new development is taking a major shape. Some lies and some truth afterwards, she is taking most of my time over phone, and obviously my bills.
Tanya is from Bengal. She used to work for Qatar Airways till last week, when she resigned because her boss made a pass on her. Now she says she has surprise in for me for a new job. I wonder what would that be. My most intelligent guess is that she is trying to find one in Bangalore and may be she is quite successful with that. I dont know what is so enticing or attractive abt my voice that is drawing her close to me. She says she never had a boyfriend, which to a certain level is unacceptable owing to her good looks, and her flamboyant lifestyle. I like her but not to an extent of falling over again, when I already have someone waiting for me in a distant place.
Work sometimes sucks, or lets say no work has always sucked me. Since I have come from Shanghai, the pace of my life has slowed to a snail's. Coming to office, sipping tea and smoking are the favorite passtimes. Infact this blog is being written from an office system, caz I have too much time to kill. I am waiting for some events to shape up that put me back on a flight to Shanghai. May be this time I will not come back.
Last night a strange thing happened during my conversation with Tanya, she suddenly kind of proposed me. And I was clueless as how to reply to that. I wanted to say no. But I dont know what made me said " I am undecided". Perhaps I will tell her about Hsing Chi. She makes fun of me knowing all my failures with females. Frankly speaking either I have been too early, too late or too far to do anything. She calls me Devdas. To counter that I say that she is Paro, but that is no logic. As she is not my love interest. Sometimes I feel guilty over courting a girl, with Hsing Chi already committed to me. Hsing is 9 yrs older to me. But her dedication and commitment towards me is making me crazy about her. Tanya is 1 yr younger to me, but I feel this is very frivulous relationship, which will lose its worth in few days, though we will continue to be friends.
My main worry before taking a plunge myself into the world of married males is my sisters marriage. There have been lot of speculations and responses, as one will know about Great Indian Arranged Marriages, but none is getting to a fixed zone. I can understand the torment my sister has to face everytime, and she is more or less responsible for it. When she had a chance why didn't she marry the guy she liked. What about the stars, what about astrology, what about culture? I dont give a damn. I beleive that to change a nation's mentalty, we need some drastic changes in the mindset of the our people, our society.
Why do we crib about unhygenic grounds and blame authorities, when we are the one who have played some role in that?
Why do we make a hue and cry about a wrong decision or policy by a stupid politician, who thinks only about his position, when he is sent to parliament by us? Interestingly he gets a second term on the same constituency. Why dont people understand? Why dont they strip these blood suckers of their fucking high headed ness? Why the bloody they chose people with criminal records to the Parliament? Are they blind to see that he is only hungry for power, which he will unleash on them only?
There are lot of questions, unfortunatly the answers are missing. Only thing available is hope.
HOPE!!
There has been an invasion in my personal life. An invasion which was self invited. Something which I cant resist. Over a past few weeks I have been in conversation with a girl. Her name is Tanya. I met her in a Chatroom in Shanghai. And I spoke to her once. But since I have come back from my home, this new development is taking a major shape. Some lies and some truth afterwards, she is taking most of my time over phone, and obviously my bills.
Tanya is from Bengal. She used to work for Qatar Airways till last week, when she resigned because her boss made a pass on her. Now she says she has surprise in for me for a new job. I wonder what would that be. My most intelligent guess is that she is trying to find one in Bangalore and may be she is quite successful with that. I dont know what is so enticing or attractive abt my voice that is drawing her close to me. She says she never had a boyfriend, which to a certain level is unacceptable owing to her good looks, and her flamboyant lifestyle. I like her but not to an extent of falling over again, when I already have someone waiting for me in a distant place.
Work sometimes sucks, or lets say no work has always sucked me. Since I have come from Shanghai, the pace of my life has slowed to a snail's. Coming to office, sipping tea and smoking are the favorite passtimes. Infact this blog is being written from an office system, caz I have too much time to kill. I am waiting for some events to shape up that put me back on a flight to Shanghai. May be this time I will not come back.
Last night a strange thing happened during my conversation with Tanya, she suddenly kind of proposed me. And I was clueless as how to reply to that. I wanted to say no. But I dont know what made me said " I am undecided". Perhaps I will tell her about Hsing Chi. She makes fun of me knowing all my failures with females. Frankly speaking either I have been too early, too late or too far to do anything. She calls me Devdas. To counter that I say that she is Paro, but that is no logic. As she is not my love interest. Sometimes I feel guilty over courting a girl, with Hsing Chi already committed to me. Hsing is 9 yrs older to me. But her dedication and commitment towards me is making me crazy about her. Tanya is 1 yr younger to me, but I feel this is very frivulous relationship, which will lose its worth in few days, though we will continue to be friends.
My main worry before taking a plunge myself into the world of married males is my sisters marriage. There have been lot of speculations and responses, as one will know about Great Indian Arranged Marriages, but none is getting to a fixed zone. I can understand the torment my sister has to face everytime, and she is more or less responsible for it. When she had a chance why didn't she marry the guy she liked. What about the stars, what about astrology, what about culture? I dont give a damn. I beleive that to change a nation's mentalty, we need some drastic changes in the mindset of the our people, our society.
Why do we crib about unhygenic grounds and blame authorities, when we are the one who have played some role in that?
Why do we make a hue and cry about a wrong decision or policy by a stupid politician, who thinks only about his position, when he is sent to parliament by us? Interestingly he gets a second term on the same constituency. Why dont people understand? Why dont they strip these blood suckers of their fucking high headed ness? Why the bloody they chose people with criminal records to the Parliament? Are they blind to see that he is only hungry for power, which he will unleash on them only?
There are lot of questions, unfortunatly the answers are missing. Only thing available is hope.
HOPE!!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Undoing last mistake of hitting return key :)
Sunday-Amazingly a damn boring day. People are happy about getting an off from the work. To be with the family. What should I do? No family in here. Nothing to look forward to. Just sit back and either listen to the repeated songs all day. Grab a book and read. or sleep.
Problem is nothing seems very interesting. Whats the point of listening to song when every damn songs reminds you of someone.. and you miss her more. Reading a book, somewhere when an intimate scene is being described you feel you were in the same shoes. and you miss her even more.
I have began to dread holidays and offs. Cause loneliness eats me up, from within and without. Physical closeness is overwhelmed by the emotions I have begun to feel for her. So far.
I was looking forward to Monday. TOI horoscope said.. A travel is must unless ur personal horoscope says so. Flight of my heart took me to Shanghai, close to her. I could feel her arms around my head pressed against her bossom. Sleeping like a baby in her arms. But alas nothing seems to be making this dream come true till this moment. Hope is man's best friend. And that is what I am hanging on to.
Monday- People are scared of Monday. For me it was a welcome break from 3 days of loneliness. 3 days of sulking from within, and without her. Atleast I can speak to my colleagues I can pour my self in work. And hope that may be a chance to travel back to shanghai would come soon. I met people but again no work. Got to know that the fix that we applied we did a blunder. So the process of damage control, which dint last long. Day kept on passing. I was hoping to listen to a news, which did not come. Only solace in these times is Gtalk where I can talk to her, get a lil lighten up. In evening I packed my bag.. and went home. But my day is not over yet. Door is locked. Pallav and his brother has gone to see off their parents. After 3 hrs of waiting outside the door, Everyone returned. They missed their train, courtesy traffic jams, and few other people who caz them. They have lost their sense of traffic, just because they earned a few quick bucks, they are on top of world. Nothing seems big enough to them. Not even law. These assholes need to be taught, a good traffic sense. Anyway.. I had somehow spent my time. Talking bla bla to security guy.. watching a damn sexy girl walking down the aparment entrance.. Wow. She looked at me.. Or was it just my imagination. Boys will be boys.
Problem is nothing seems very interesting. Whats the point of listening to song when every damn songs reminds you of someone.. and you miss her more. Reading a book, somewhere when an intimate scene is being described you feel you were in the same shoes. and you miss her even more.
I have began to dread holidays and offs. Cause loneliness eats me up, from within and without. Physical closeness is overwhelmed by the emotions I have begun to feel for her. So far.
I was looking forward to Monday. TOI horoscope said.. A travel is must unless ur personal horoscope says so. Flight of my heart took me to Shanghai, close to her. I could feel her arms around my head pressed against her bossom. Sleeping like a baby in her arms. But alas nothing seems to be making this dream come true till this moment. Hope is man's best friend. And that is what I am hanging on to.
Monday- People are scared of Monday. For me it was a welcome break from 3 days of loneliness. 3 days of sulking from within, and without her. Atleast I can speak to my colleagues I can pour my self in work. And hope that may be a chance to travel back to shanghai would come soon. I met people but again no work. Got to know that the fix that we applied we did a blunder. So the process of damage control, which dint last long. Day kept on passing. I was hoping to listen to a news, which did not come. Only solace in these times is Gtalk where I can talk to her, get a lil lighten up. In evening I packed my bag.. and went home. But my day is not over yet. Door is locked. Pallav and his brother has gone to see off their parents. After 3 hrs of waiting outside the door, Everyone returned. They missed their train, courtesy traffic jams, and few other people who caz them. They have lost their sense of traffic, just because they earned a few quick bucks, they are on top of world. Nothing seems big enough to them. Not even law. These assholes need to be taught, a good traffic sense. Anyway.. I had somehow spent my time. Talking bla bla to security guy.. watching a damn sexy girl walking down the aparment entrance.. Wow. She looked at me.. Or was it just my imagination. Boys will be boys.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Last Few days - continuation
Diwali - festival of lights. This is one big festival in India. History date backs to god knows when. But still it is marked as the day when Lord Ram returned to his kingdom from 14 yrs of sentence to forest life ordered by his father on behest of his stepmother.
Sometimes I wonder is this the real reason for every single person who follows Hinduism to return to their hometowns. Or, is it just a myth, created by the our Aryan ancestors for a family get together in case the person is living far away from his home, to return and meet his family and friends, have a few light moments away from all the stress and the worries of working life or whatever he is involved in. Absolutely this would not be for the fugitives, but if it is like so then why not them, they are also human beings. I dont want to sound like a kind soul, but talking on terms of equality of rights, this should be the case.
As for me, this time I was not lucky enough to make it back to my hometown. Flights are not cheap, but who cares. Problem poses after reaching Delhi. The way from then on to my hometown , Farrukhabad, is absolutely clobbered. I dont get a damn transport. It seems like whole India is on move and everyone, whosoever, is running to be with his family at that particular day.
On 8th Nov, when the festival was being celebrated in Southern Part, I was sitting and sulking, had lot of thoughts on my mind. I had been to my friends place watched India-Pak 2nd ODI first half and then came back to my apartment. Sitting lonely, absolutely empty minded. My brain was not a devil's workshop. I was thinking, about the decisions I have made all my life and decisions my parents have made for me. My success rate was low, theirs was absolutely high. I can owe it to my inexperience with life. They have seen more in their years than I have in last 2 decades since I came to my senses and had knowledge of good and bad. I came to conclusion that I have become so dependent on their decisions that I have to look forward to them to approve my personal life decisions. Every thing I decide upon I have to keep their faces in mind and how wud they feel about me taking the step. Would they be happy, would they approve, would they be insightful, would they understand, would they let me go ahead, what if I just go ahead despite their disagreement.
I conveyed a few of these to my mother, over a phone conversation and the next day I could hear a concern in my father's voice. They say they want me to be happy, they want me to do what I want, to tell them without hesitation what's on my mind. I think they really mean it. But what is it that keeps me from telling them all my concerns, my thoughts. Will they also thing I am abnormal, I am different from the normal people as my colleagues from school, college, and university thought of me. If I am abnormal then why I am so, why I am so different? I am made of same blood and same soil as other people in this country are? I am also a small town boy with dreams in his eyes. Dream to make it big one day.
I talked to her regarding this, and I think phone is not the best way to talk to her, cause the way she listens and the thing I speak mix sometimes. But still I love her. I love her, because she has been good to me, never has she complained about me being abnormal or different, because she fell in love with that abnormality or difference. She wont understand the way the life is in India, but still she wants to be with me and leave everything behind. Perhaps she is my only chance.
The day went without any further events except that India lost the match.
9th Nov- Big day. Diwali is here, and as I got up in the morning I had no clue what I was going to do in the day. Pallav breaks the news, his parents are coming over. We went on a drive, then to airport, picked up his parents. His mom says I have become more like chinese. Nothing new, all my life I have always been commented on by people for my different looks. I dont know who should I thank that for, or curse. Girls think I am a NorthEasternite, they are not interested. People from NE part know I am not one of them, I loose my chance again. Moreover my huge stature helped me no more. Thats why I said in earlier part, she is my only chance to find love and be loved.
Evening was not eventful, usual Diwali prayers and blessings, a lil different from the way my parents do it. Interestingly the no. of households in India, the exact no. of ways one is gonna find the prayers being said. Only thing remains common is the Lord we are praying and the hymns we sing. Unity in diversity?????
She called me, wished me. I was touched. She knows, she cares. This small a thing she did, makes my heart leap towards her. I am desperatly looking forward to meet her again, and make that magic moment live again with her touch.
Later we burst some crackers, lit up some firework. Sometimes I wonder how can people buy the stuff and burn it to ground, just for the fun of few moments. Lighting up their money on unnecessary cause. Filthy display of ones weatlh or doing well. Assholes!!!!!!!
Pallav, Ajit and I went on a drive where Pallav later tells me he is going to meet Poison Ivy (PI).
Well PI used to be an ex-flame of Pallav and he had a hard time to get her off his back. Now if he dont wants her back in his life then why is he pushing too hard to please her, to solace her. I advised not to go ahead with the plan. Fortunately, he agreed. I have no personal grudges against her. She is a nice female. But my loyalty still remains toward Pallav. I would lie, pretend and do whatever to save his ass. But when he himself is willing to burn his hand, I can only advice. Some people are jerk, and that is what I can say about Pallav. They dont need enemies. They will be their best enemies. And then they would look forward to friends and family to salvage them. We came back had dinner.
Yesterday morning was a dull one. I got up late. Also I did not get a call from my favorite female on the planet. What to do about this? I dont have enough money. Neither does she. And we are quite a thousand kms apart now. There was a time when I wished for a few moments away. Now it has become a punishment for me. I get no information about her. Though I know in her heart she would be having same feeling. My beloved, I fall in love with you more and more, as everyday is passing without you being here by me side.
I was at home all day. I got a call from Tanya. She fainted on the festival day. Low BP is the problem she tells me. I am a lil surprised at why a girl like her could faint. She tells me had a history. That explains. But all the trouble that poor girl and her family had to go through on an auspicious day like that is not worthy. She sounds like a 8 yr old kid when she talks to me. Sometimes she feels like a very grown up woman. She flirts easily. She told me that she thought I was haughty and arrogant, and had to change her mind later. That happens with most of people who dont know me well or who refuse to come near to me because of my abnormal behavior or whatever. I have only a few words to say to them. It takes ages to judge a human being, you just cant dismiss me because I act differently.
I think this has got too long. So I better leave it here..
Sometimes I wonder is this the real reason for every single person who follows Hinduism to return to their hometowns. Or, is it just a myth, created by the our Aryan ancestors for a family get together in case the person is living far away from his home, to return and meet his family and friends, have a few light moments away from all the stress and the worries of working life or whatever he is involved in. Absolutely this would not be for the fugitives, but if it is like so then why not them, they are also human beings. I dont want to sound like a kind soul, but talking on terms of equality of rights, this should be the case.
As for me, this time I was not lucky enough to make it back to my hometown. Flights are not cheap, but who cares. Problem poses after reaching Delhi. The way from then on to my hometown , Farrukhabad, is absolutely clobbered. I dont get a damn transport. It seems like whole India is on move and everyone, whosoever, is running to be with his family at that particular day.
On 8th Nov, when the festival was being celebrated in Southern Part, I was sitting and sulking, had lot of thoughts on my mind. I had been to my friends place watched India-Pak 2nd ODI first half and then came back to my apartment. Sitting lonely, absolutely empty minded. My brain was not a devil's workshop. I was thinking, about the decisions I have made all my life and decisions my parents have made for me. My success rate was low, theirs was absolutely high. I can owe it to my inexperience with life. They have seen more in their years than I have in last 2 decades since I came to my senses and had knowledge of good and bad. I came to conclusion that I have become so dependent on their decisions that I have to look forward to them to approve my personal life decisions. Every thing I decide upon I have to keep their faces in mind and how wud they feel about me taking the step. Would they be happy, would they approve, would they be insightful, would they understand, would they let me go ahead, what if I just go ahead despite their disagreement.
I conveyed a few of these to my mother, over a phone conversation and the next day I could hear a concern in my father's voice. They say they want me to be happy, they want me to do what I want, to tell them without hesitation what's on my mind. I think they really mean it. But what is it that keeps me from telling them all my concerns, my thoughts. Will they also thing I am abnormal, I am different from the normal people as my colleagues from school, college, and university thought of me. If I am abnormal then why I am so, why I am so different? I am made of same blood and same soil as other people in this country are? I am also a small town boy with dreams in his eyes. Dream to make it big one day.
I talked to her regarding this, and I think phone is not the best way to talk to her, cause the way she listens and the thing I speak mix sometimes. But still I love her. I love her, because she has been good to me, never has she complained about me being abnormal or different, because she fell in love with that abnormality or difference. She wont understand the way the life is in India, but still she wants to be with me and leave everything behind. Perhaps she is my only chance.
The day went without any further events except that India lost the match.
9th Nov- Big day. Diwali is here, and as I got up in the morning I had no clue what I was going to do in the day. Pallav breaks the news, his parents are coming over. We went on a drive, then to airport, picked up his parents. His mom says I have become more like chinese. Nothing new, all my life I have always been commented on by people for my different looks. I dont know who should I thank that for, or curse. Girls think I am a NorthEasternite, they are not interested. People from NE part know I am not one of them, I loose my chance again. Moreover my huge stature helped me no more. Thats why I said in earlier part, she is my only chance to find love and be loved.
Evening was not eventful, usual Diwali prayers and blessings, a lil different from the way my parents do it. Interestingly the no. of households in India, the exact no. of ways one is gonna find the prayers being said. Only thing remains common is the Lord we are praying and the hymns we sing. Unity in diversity?????
She called me, wished me. I was touched. She knows, she cares. This small a thing she did, makes my heart leap towards her. I am desperatly looking forward to meet her again, and make that magic moment live again with her touch.
Later we burst some crackers, lit up some firework. Sometimes I wonder how can people buy the stuff and burn it to ground, just for the fun of few moments. Lighting up their money on unnecessary cause. Filthy display of ones weatlh or doing well. Assholes!!!!!!!
Pallav, Ajit and I went on a drive where Pallav later tells me he is going to meet Poison Ivy (PI).
Well PI used to be an ex-flame of Pallav and he had a hard time to get her off his back. Now if he dont wants her back in his life then why is he pushing too hard to please her, to solace her. I advised not to go ahead with the plan. Fortunately, he agreed. I have no personal grudges against her. She is a nice female. But my loyalty still remains toward Pallav. I would lie, pretend and do whatever to save his ass. But when he himself is willing to burn his hand, I can only advice. Some people are jerk, and that is what I can say about Pallav. They dont need enemies. They will be their best enemies. And then they would look forward to friends and family to salvage them. We came back had dinner.
Yesterday morning was a dull one. I got up late. Also I did not get a call from my favorite female on the planet. What to do about this? I dont have enough money. Neither does she. And we are quite a thousand kms apart now. There was a time when I wished for a few moments away. Now it has become a punishment for me. I get no information about her. Though I know in her heart she would be having same feeling. My beloved, I fall in love with you more and more, as everyday is passing without you being here by me side.
I was at home all day. I got a call from Tanya. She fainted on the festival day. Low BP is the problem she tells me. I am a lil surprised at why a girl like her could faint. She tells me had a history. That explains. But all the trouble that poor girl and her family had to go through on an auspicious day like that is not worthy. She sounds like a 8 yr old kid when she talks to me. Sometimes she feels like a very grown up woman. She flirts easily. She told me that she thought I was haughty and arrogant, and had to change her mind later. That happens with most of people who dont know me well or who refuse to come near to me because of my abnormal behavior or whatever. I have only a few words to say to them. It takes ages to judge a human being, you just cant dismiss me because I act differently.
I think this has got too long. So I better leave it here..
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