Untitled Summary of thoughts

Last few days have been quite uneventful. I have been going through the same routine of 8-5 job. Nothing much of importance have took place.
New year eve came and went by I was alone. Desperatly trying to imagine what it would have been like if I was in Shanghai with her. I called her and wished her. On 3rd was her birthday I wished her on that day too. Sometimes I think, why does my heart follows her all day and night. Only possible answer is perhaps I am too much into her. I want to be with her and it seems that only possible way is to get married then I am ready. If this is what it takes.
I am not very calm and composed, I am mad as hell on an asshole who I always considered to be a good friend and treated him like a younger brother, but seems like he is trying to play tricks and he has actually played his cards well. I have lost the first round. Desperatly waiting for next round to begun where I would play everything as a game, and nothing else.
Perhaps everything in this human life is a game only. You win some, lose some. But sometimes winning is the only option, does this justify by hook or by the crook. I dont know.
Lately I have been too frustrated with the current affairs in my life. I am sitting and sulking nothing of importance is going on in my life. I am completely messed up in my head. I am looking for options which dont seem to come by. And when they come by, I end up asking my self, is this the one I am waiting for. Should I try out newer things in life or be content with what I have in my hands. Dreams and dreams unlimited. Is there someway to realize them.
I say to myself sometimes dont be afraid chalk out a new plan, an entirely new picture on a brand new canvas. I ask myself to be courageous, do what no man in my family or my society has ever dared to do. But there is a fear, fear of failure, hidden somewhere deep inside me. I am superficial, or I am a hypocrite? Question remains unanswered.
There was an article in TOI few weeks back where it said that the human life is very small when compared to the life of universe. Its not even a sudden spark. If this is so small then why do we have to worry about it so much. Why do I have to mourn abt it every other day. Why do 28 yrs of my life seem so small but the future which I have not seen seems so big? Questions and many more of them. In life and in death, i dont know will they ever leave me alone.
Last week I saw a man getting crushed under the wheels of a lorry. It struck me at that moment. What the Fuck.. Human being is so fragile. The body that we take care of so much, life that we preserve is so vulnerable. It just goes away in a snap, a blink. I got drunk that night, not able to take out that picture of a men getting under a lorry and getting crushed and blood spilled all over. This happened at 7:20 am in Bangalore. while i was going to my work. I vowed I would never buy a bike again. This has took me 2 days to settle. Last time it was 4 yrs back. My friend, my classmate, Rishi got into an accident and never got up again. People come and go and perhaps in near future I may be a part of something like this. ITS A JUNGLE OUT THERE.
Leave apart being human and being an Indian people discriminate on such small things as region, language. I dont know why they just cant understand that if they are free. So are the people from other region. I believe its jus bad politics and bad gimmicks being played to be in power. I remember one saying "Power Corrupts and Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely". How true, I never thought myself as being any one else but human, if further classification has to be then max i would go down to saying that I am an Indian, and thats who I am. Why do ppl have to create so many bounderies amongst themselves, I believe democracy has corrupted the people of this nation. It has corrupted their minds and souls, they have become sheep or herd, those who can be herded in any direction, right or wrong they just need a direction. Sometimes I wish I did not had a conscience, I could do whatever I want, but unfortunately its not easy for me. I refuse to play down to the tunes of an archtypical society. A society which has stopped thinking logically. Where people look upon you as a being a traitor if you are out to do something which is not approved by a common consensus. I will hold my head high. I will listen to myself and no one else. God just be with me!!